I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
