They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
