I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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