Your mouth is God's brothel.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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