Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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