If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
