im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can you repeat that, but with context?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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