hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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