i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
