...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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