there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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