wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
