i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
