If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
