so that wasnt chicken after all
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
