Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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