the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
