The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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