Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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