dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
