Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
