yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
