Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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