I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
