My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
