And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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