the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
