it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
