Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
