Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
