Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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