he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
