I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
