You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
