Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
