I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
