new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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