Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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