capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
