i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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