i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
