Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
