here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
