Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
