I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
