I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
