STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
