Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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