I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
