I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
