Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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