I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
