Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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