nut hugger
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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