Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
