hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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