last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
