you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
