So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
