No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
