I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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