I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
