New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
