"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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