there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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