I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
