i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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