1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
