i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize